Fighting is an inevitable problem that couples will encounter, and settling old scores is even more troublesome. When we get into quarrels, we often unconsciously bring out past conflicts and hurts, which will only intensify the escalation of the conflict. So, what should we do when we find ourselves in the middle of rehabilitating old scores? Some suggestions will be given below from several aspects.
1. Calm down
During a quarrel, both parties are in an emotional state. If the quarrel continues, it will only worsen the situation. So the first thing to do is to calm down. You can relax your emotions and calm yourself down again by taking deep breaths and closing your eyes.
After calming down, we can think back on why we went over old scores. Is it because a certain behavior of the other party touches a sensitive point deep in our hearts? Or is it because we haven’t found the right way to express our needs? By thinking about these questions, we can better understand our emotions and find ways to solve them.
2. Communication and listening
Quarrels are often caused by miscommunication or insufficient understanding between the two parties. Therefore, when we calm down, we can try to communicate with the other party. During the communication process, pay attention to listening to the other party's opinions and feelings, do not interrupt the other party's speech, and give the other party sufficient respect and attention.
At the same time, you should also pay attention to your tone and method when expressing your opinions. Avoid using offensive words and express your thoughts in a calm and rational manner. This reduces the escalation of conflicts and increases the likelihood that issues will be resolved.
3. Find solutions
During the communication process, we can work together to find solutions to problems. First of all, it is necessary to identify the problem and find out the reasons for the old score to be settled. Both parties can then put forward their own suggestions and opinions and discuss them. Through cooperation and compromise, a mutually acceptable solution can be found.
In the process of finding solutions, we must also learn to let go of past conflicts and hurts. What has happened in the past has happened and we cannot change it, but we can choose to forgive each other and move forward together. Only through tolerance and understanding can we build healthier and more stable relationships.
4. Learning and reflection
Arguing is an opportunity for learning. Through quarreling, we can better understand ourselves and each other. Therefore, after calming down, we can discuss and reflect on the quarrel. Review the entire process, identify where you fell short, and think about how to improve.
At the same time, you should also listen to the other party’s opinions and suggestions. We can work together to improve the problems that exist on both sides. Through continuous learning and growth, we can make ourselves more mature and rational, thereby avoiding similar problems of settling old scores from happening again..
When we find ourselves stuck in rehashing old scores, we need to first calm down, then communicate and listen. In the process of finding solutions, let go of past conflicts and hurts, and learn and reflect. Through these methods, we can better deal with old scores in arguments and build healthier, more stable relationships.
