When some couples are in love, they always want to win each other when they quarrel, and they are unwilling to give in and suffer losses. In the end, the relationship that both parties have worked hard to build is hurt because of a trivial matter. Why do these couples insist on winning or losing when they quarrel?
A few days ago, a few friends got together, and one of them (for the convenience of distinction, let’s call him A) was having sex with him. My girlfriend broke up in a cold war, and friend A was hesitant to apologize.
At this time, another friend B stopped him and said, whoever wants to apologize will lose. You just have to wait for her to give in and come to you.
Otherwise, if she breaks up with you this time and you apologize, you will have to suffer it in the future.
Of course, in the end, friend A went to apologize. After all, the Cold War was even more unpleasant. When friend B found out, he hated iron.
"Do you know what this is? Licking a dog, you will lose nothing in the end."
Friend B is a typical fighting personality in relationships, always wanting to win. Maybe you've heard these statements too.
When there is ambiguity, whoever expresses love first loses; when there is a quarrel, whoever apologizes first loses.
1: Winning or losing is a struggle for power
Some chicken soup for the soul tells us: "No one loses in love. Who wins, who is right and who is wrong.”
But in real love life, we cannot deny that we do have thoughts and ideas that want to win over the other person.
This is what we often call the power struggle in intimate relationships.
It may be said that there is a power struggle, but some friends don’t quite understand it. To put it simply, in fact, in love, one party always wants to be proactive and high-profile.
They have defeated each other, they have to win in quarrels, cold wars, and when they reason, they want the other party to always obey them.
For example, when there is a contradiction or conflict, even if he is the wrong person, you must be the first to apologize. Otherwise, you will fall into a continuous cold war and quarrels.
Two: Suppression is subtle
In daily interactions, he always has various requirements for you, and you are always constantly satisfying his needs. Request, he likes to eat Sichuan food, you have to learn to cook it, he wants to eat Western food, and I hope you can learn it.
Compared to a couple, your relationship is more like a superior and a subordinate. Your relationship is also like a chasing game. The person you are chasing is you, and you have to keep getting closer to him or her.
There are even times when you have to please him or her. Even if you feel tired from this chase, you still can’t stop if he doesn’t tell you to stop.
Many people may have experienced these things, but the degree is different, making it difficult for you to notice yourself.Probably suppressed.
So when faced with a partner who has a strong desire to win or lose, where should our feelings go?
Three: Balance the struggle for rights
We cannot deny that love has a beautiful side, but equally, we cannot deny that love also has a dark side.
As love increases, jealousy, possession, and control, these negative emotions will also appear.
The essence of the power struggle is actually to hope that the other party can stay with you forever, but only a relatively balanced power struggle can allow the relationship to develop benignly.
So if your power struggle has evolved, you are never willing to put yourself in a losing position.
If you even want to win by belittling or denying the other party, then I suggest that you separate for a while.
Four: The first step to change the mode of getting along
Because when the negative emotions in the power struggle begin to prevail, the relationship will also fall into a vicious cycle. The only way to get out of this relationship is to Only then can you look at the problems in your relationship objectively.
So sometimes, breaking up is not necessarily a bad thing, but can help you see the real problems in your relationship.
But if your relationship is not that bad, maybe you can take the initiative to communicate with the other party, because in many cases, power struggle is not intentional.
Sincerely speaking one’s inner thoughts is the first step to change the wrong way of getting along.
You can tell the other person:
Sometimes, your strength makes me feel uncomfortable, but I love you very much.
But I also hope that we can have different interests and hobbies. I don’t want to change you, and I don’t want you to let me change. Can we give each other a little freedom and space?
Five: Improve inward and extend outward
In addition to basic communication, when encountering problems or making decisions, you can also Ask the other person for their opinion first. If the other person is stubborn, you can confirm it first.
Put forward your own opinions, which will be more acceptable to the other party than denying him directly.
In addition to being perfected inwards, love should also have the freedom to extend outwards, when we no longer regard love as the only thing in life.
The concerns about gains and losses in love will also tend to be balanced, and the relationship will naturally develop in a healthy way.
A true master of love will pay more attention to the continuous relationship between the sexes and will not be hampered by the periodic "uncomfortable state". They will also take the initiative to suffer these two kinds of losses:
1. Inward perfection, for their partners, quarreling and losing temperTolerance can be tolerated if one can tolerate such things, and the impact this has on the relationship between each other is increasingly important.
2. Extend outward. In the eyes of others, you may seem to be the weaker party, but the development of the relationship between the two cannot be limited to two people. More external objects are needed to set off and protect you. See It seems to be a weakness, but it is just that it does not compete or grab, and focuses on the future.
