Question: I have been in a relationship with my wife for three years and been married for one year. She treats me very well in life and takes care of my daily life very well. Basically, I don’t need to worry about things at home. But now I feel like I have nothing to talk about with her when I get home. I feel a little scared that we are really going to live like this in the future? I want to ask what should I do if I have nothing to talk about with my wife? How to maintain married life?
Answer:
1. Marriage is a process
The development of a marriage is just like the growth of a person. It is divided into different stages, and each stage is different. has its own characteristics and crises.
From the beginning of organizing a world for two, to the birth of the child, the child entering school, the couple entering middle age, and then the child growing up and leaving home, the remaining couple faces each other again and adapts to the changes in the empty nest period.
In this long marriage journey, couples experience various changes in mental processes and relationship interactions, coupled with pressure from the external environment. Each stage puts pressure on the relationship, especially the adjustment to first marriage. , mid-life crisis and the empty nest period are all relatively fragile stages, and are also the stages where it is easiest to face the challenges of extramarital affairs.
Therefore, you must understand what stage your marriage is at and tell yourself: It is normal to encounter difficulties now. I cannot stay stuck in painful and sad emotions. I have to jump out to understand my situation. Something is wrong with the marriage.
Only by finding the problem can we solve it. Understanding the process of marriage and our own growth and changes can help us get through the impact of these stages.
2. Cultivate the ability to love
Many people often think that love is a feeling: Have you ever The feeling of missing the other person? Do you have romantic feelings? When "Feel" is lost, love ceases to exist.
Actually no, love is a kind of ability, which includes care, responsibility, respect and understanding, and it is a positive concern for the life and growth of the person you love.
Love is a kind of commitment. People who can bear the lives of others must have the mature ability to love, so you must cultivate your ability to love others.
Modern people often focus on their partners, racking their brains, hoping to change the other person to meet their own expectations, but they rarely ask how much they have the ability to love and how to cultivate their own ability to love.
The ability to love others is different from not talking about suffering and being patient. Tolerance is to give in to yourself and please others' emotions. Cultivating the ability to love begins with knowing yourself, being honest with yourself, and cultivating the emotional ability to tolerate and accept others. Only when you learn to see things from other people's perspectives and enter other people's world can you truly understand each other.
See clearly your own core needs and the other party’s core needs. With two-way understanding, you can respond to the needs of the other person. This ability to love requires a healthy self and continuous growth and learning..
3. Cultivate the quality of marriage
Marriage is a process, so since marriage is a process of growth Along the journey, we have to face different challenges at different stages, so the quality of marriage is very important. Many of the extramarital affairs I have mediated reflect hidden problems in marriage. For example, communication and expectations do not match each other, conflicts are handled inappropriately, etc.
Many couples tend to put their problems on the shelf, thinking that they will be solved after a while. They refuse to face them squarely and use escape methods to face the problems. Extramarital affairs are the explosive point of marital problems.
Therefore, before the problem worsens to this point, you should constantly water and fertilize your marriage and cultivate the quality of your marriage. This will help the couple to overcome difficulties more easily when they encounter them. .
Many couples have told me that they have forgotten the last time they had a heart-to-heart talk. They have been running around for life for a long time and lack the effort to cultivate their marriage, and their marriage will wither. No matter how busy some couples are, they still have to deliberately set aside time for them to be alone so that they can get to know and get in touch with each other so that the fire of love can continue to burn.
Another element of cultivating the quality of marriage is building a healthy self. Some people mistakenly believe that they will lose themselves when they get married. In fact, couples grow in a marriage relationship through mutual care and support, developing a complete personality and a healthier and more emotionally mature self.
This self can be responsible for its own emotions and decisions. Husband and wife need each other, rather than possessing each other. One party must rely on the other and develop into mutual dependence.
I hope the above can help you.
