I know that in the eyes of many boys, bringing up old scores when quarreling is the most incomprehensible behavior, and girls like to bring up old scores when quarreling, which makes many boys not know what to do, so today the editor I brought you the mentality of girls settling old scores, let’s take a look together.
1. Boys can only see the specific events in front of them, while girls focus on long-term feelings
Girls tend to Don’t get angry over a small thing, but ponder the deeper meaning.
For example, if a boy says: "Why are you angry again?"
The girl will wonder: "Am I always angry in your eyes? Isn't this an injustice? Me?"
At this time, the boy will just look confused: I didn't say you are always angry?
This is the difference in thinking~
2 .Old account, because in the past, the symptoms were treated instead of the root cause
In fact, this is just like tooth decay. At first, there is a slight toothache, and most people will not go to the hospital immediately. Only when the pain becomes unbearable and the nerves are killed can the pain be completely relieved.
The same goes for rehashing old scores. It means: "It's not that I don't care about so many conflicts before, but I have always been tolerant and patient. I think you don't know, and I want to tell you." That's all. That’s all.
3. Revealing old scores is to let the other party know the seriousness of the problem
The girl hopes to tell him by listing cases: You have committed the same thing many times Wrong, you made me feel bored.
4. Teach you the gentle communication formula to avoid settling old scores
Quarrel is also a form of communication. But both of them were very excited. At this time, we must not hold back the cold words.
Try this formula: “My current mood + empathy + what I want you to do”
For example: “I’m so sad right now, and I know you are too It’s very unpleasant. It’s not good to chat like this. Why don’t we try to communicate in another way? It will help us get along.”
If you are worried that you won’t be able to say these words in anger, you should recite them silently. Memorize it a few times, and the words will be like a mantra, and they will work in your heart. After all, whoever is calm will talk about it~!
5. Can’t help but settle old scores, and ease the conflict afterwards< /h2>
The quarrel will end, but it will definitely cause a rift in the relationship, which needs to be repaired. If there is too much resentment, the relationship will collapse. Choose a suitable time and have a chat while both of you are in a good mood. You need to reach a consensus: "Replaying old scores will only hurt the relationship and will not solve the problem. If it cannot be eliminated, it must be avoided as much as possible."
The two of them communicated and came up with a solution to solve the problem.The thorns in my heart were lifted one by one. For example, how do I feel about this matter? I want to hear your feelings. Both parties know what the other party thinks and then propose their own desired solutions.
Finally, choose a compromise solution that satisfies both of you. We have agreed that we must communicate in a timely manner when encountering problems in the future. None of us are born good communicators. Only through running-in time and time again can we explore the unique long-term relationship model of two people ~ Psychology says that close relationships allow people to grow. That’s what I mean.
