Fighting between couples is actually a very common thing, but many people are often unwilling to quarrel because in their concept, quarreling hurts feelings. But I want to ask, does quarreling really hurt feelings? If it really hurts feelings, why do some people become more affectionate the more they quarrel? Today we will take a look.
In fact, when two people can still quarrel, it means that both parties still have the awareness to solve problems in the relationship. What is really hopeless is the couple who is too lazy to even quarrel.
From the perspective of interpersonal relations, when we choose to get angry with a person, it subconsciously shows that we think this person can still communicate and that it is necessary for us to maintain this relationship. People still have hopes and expectations, so they are willing to lose their temper.
But you must understand that the ultimate purpose of quarreling is to solve problems, not to create new frictions on the original conflicts.
1. It’s okay to quarrel, but you can’t settle old scores
I found that many consultants, When they are arguing, they have an extraordinary memory. They can say whatever comes to mind, and they can even bring up the old sesame seeds and rotten millet things and quarrel again. The conflict originally arose because of this matter. If we don't resolve this matter and don't focus on the key points, we will instead expand the dispute in various ways.
2. Personal attack
The kind of young, bad-tempered person who gets red-faced when we get into an argument. I must win the argument. If I don’t win, I start looking for other points. Look at the fat on your belly, look at your temper, who can stand you, princess disease, chauvinism, scolding, no matter how unpleasant it sounds, stabbing each other with knives. If others don't understand the situation, they really can't tell whether the two are lovers or enemies.
3. There are many people who are particularly capable of quarreling.
Keep your temper, even though you are no longer angry. In order for the other person to prove that he loves you, he has to be coaxed into submission. Only then can you turn the story over and give the other person a good look.
For example, two people have calmed down after an argument, and someone asks you in a nice voice, "Let's go out for a meal, go to your favorite restaurant." At this time, you suddenly said, Ouch, if I did something, I would be shameless...
Then the other party, what are the meanings, no matter what, I bowed my head. What's your attitude here? Okay, this thing is bigger again.
4. Instead of solving the problem, you must convince the other party
The two people shirk responsibility from each other and want to put a big pot on the other person. Without any reflection, they just wait. Waiting for the other person to apologize to you, but you never recognize your mistake.
Want to convinceThe other party makes the other party feel that he is totally wrong and heinous. Please come and ask for your forgiveness and wake up.
But it is your partner who takes the initiative to coax you, which is actually a very scary thing - he can coax you a hundred times, and you can win once a hundred times by being pampered and proud. When he is exhausted physically and mentally and just wants to leave you, no matter how you coax him, he will never come back.
Others are really solving problems under the guise of quarreling. You are arguing for the sake of arguing and arguing to win. These two concepts are of course different. Naturally, the more they argue, the more affectionate they become. If you make a quarrel, it will explode.
