The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law plays a key role in married life. If mother-in-law and daughter-in-law get along harmoniously, there will be much fewer family conflicts, and men will not have to face the anger and accusations of their wives and mothers. But if the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not harmonious, then the family will definitely not be harmonious. Below I will share with you how smart men deal with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Men who are at odds with mother-in-law and daughter-in-law must read it.
1. Put the relationship between husband and wife first
From the perspective of intimacy science: the relationship between husband and wife must be placed before the relationship between mother and child, and also before the relationship between parents and children. Before the relationship, they are in the primary position of the entire family. Only when the relationship between husband and wife reaches a harmonious and stable state, will the impact on the entire family be positive and positive. ”
For those cases where the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is extremely troubled, the husband’s status in the entire family is often neutral and ambiguous. Neither party dares to offend, and they try to please everyone, but in fact no problem is solved. They are fighting, and the more they fight, the more fierce they become.
Moreover, from a wife’s perspective: If a wife loves her husband very much, she also cares about her own family and has independence and boundaries. The feeling is also very strong, and it will be very painful for her when she finally meets a husband who is in trouble at both ends, because in the eyes of the wife, if the husband fails to fulfill his obligation to protect and defend her in front of her parents, she will feel " She feels like an outsider", which makes her unable to find her own status and identity in the family.
To put it bluntly, many men may I don’t want to admit it, but it is a fact: “If you want to keep everyone harmonious, you cannot remain neutral fundamentally. You must put the relationship between husband and wife before the relationship between mother and child. Since you have chosen a woman to marry, you must accept that this woman will replace your mother's position and become the most important woman in your life. ”
There may be many men who think this is treason and do not know how to be filial. But in fact, what is filial piety? True filial piety is never about sacrificing your family for your mother, and in the end, all three parties are harmed. The chickens and dogs are restless. But you can run your own small family well, minimize the conflicts between the three parties, and allow the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to coexist harmoniously.
2. Separation from the mother's boundary
But. To be honest, a truly enlightened mother will know that her son already has his own family after marriage, and she has no right to interfere in the couple's life, nor will she take the initiative to put her son in the middle. Deliberately creating conflicts to make it difficult for her son.
The moment a mother asks her son to make a choice between his wife and herself, it actually means a very serious problem: [Between her and her son. Difficulty in separation due to sense of boundary between children] Therefore, when facing the difficulty of separation from your mother, the most important thing you should do as a son is to let her know that "you are already a decisive and independent man"; the way to repay your mother., it should not be conniving and neutral, but that you can rationally distinguish right from wrong and no longer need her intervention.
3. Have the ability to distinguish right from wrong
Of course, this does not mean that everything should be directed toward your wife. . But as a man, you should have the ability to distinguish right from wrong, to identify "what things the mother's suggestions are reasonable, and what things the mother should not interfere with."
Even if you You cannot immediately establish a sense of boundaries with your mother, but at least you must have this awareness - you cannot be controlled by your mother's various behaviors, or feel guilty because you reject your mother, thinking that disobeying your mother means letting down years of upbringing. kindness.
Summary: Many men remain neutral in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, which is actually a particularly jerk way to solve the problem. On the surface, it may seem fair and impartial, but in fact it is a manifestation of evasion. When a conflict breaks out, it is the most irresponsible behavior to immediately back off and let the wife and mother-in-law make trouble.
