Question:
I have been with my girlfriend for four years in college, and now I have just graduated. The relationship has always been quite stable. In fact, my girlfriend has always wanted to settle down with me first, but because of her background and family reasons (she is a single-parent family), my parents are not particularly optimistic about the two of us, but I still convinced my parents to let them take advantage of it. Meet at graduation time.
After we got off the high-speed train, my dad drove from my house to pick us up. After we got home, he gave her a room in a hotel next to our house. I told her that I was not sure about getting married at home, especially not with a girl. Living at home was the first thing she felt was not taken seriously. Another thing is that my parents didn't talk to her much, they just talked a few words about daily food and drink, and didn't ask her about her parents, work, family, etc. She was very disappointed.
Now I am caught in the middle. On the one hand, my girlfriend feels that she is not taken seriously when she comes to my house for the first time, saying that my parents don’t value her at all. On the other hand, my parents feel that they have already done what they want. When it comes to proper etiquette, my girlfriend thinks they can't interfere, what should I do?
What should I do if my girlfriend comes to my house for the first time and feels that she is not taken seriously?
Answer:
I think you may have a pleaser personality and messed up this matter. Your girlfriend actively wants to meet your parents because she wants to marry you. She hopes that meeting your parents will advance your relationship.
Your parents didn’t originally regard her as their future wife, but they couldn’t help but you tried to persuade her to give you a chance to meet her, but it was obviously just for the sake of meeting her, rather than to warmly entertain her in the future. The feeling of a daughter-in-law. So I put you in the middle.
Your girlfriend thinks that you have agreed with them to meet the parents, so she has high expectations and wants to perform well. Of course your parents won't blame you for anything, they'll see it when they see it. But I might have thought that this silly boy was just wasting his time by not being able to get along with others.
So I can understand your girlfriend’s disappointment. Rather than doing this, it would be better not to see each other again. It was you who screwed it up. Because if you keep putting off seeing her, she will only think it's you; it's you who don't want to see your parents now, but now she's dissatisfied with your parents. In fact, whether two people make it or not, it is best for the two of them to deal with it themselves first, rather than blaming the matter on their parents. If you do this, even if you two are married and get together, it will cause disharmony in the family. It's your problem.
What is there to ask now? You are hesitant, and you know that your parents don’t agree, so why not? You want to meet your parents and your girlfriend like a duck, but the result after the meeting is as expected and disharmonious. What should you do if you ask me again? In fact, these problems can be avoided from the beginning. It can only be said that your and your girlfriend's plans are not in sync.That's all.
