Many times, although we are in a relationship, due to distrust in the relationship, we will have a mentality of worrying about gains and losses. If you trust this relationship very much, but your girlfriend always feels that I don't love her and always worries about gains and losses, you will also be very annoyed in this case, because you need to spend time and energy to coax her all the time.
1. The manifestation of a girlfriend worrying about gains and losses
Under normal circumstances, if two people are in love and the boy has something to do today and cannot reply to his girlfriend’s message for a while, then the girlfriend You may feel strange and a little anxious, which is specifically reflected in your behavior, that is, wait until you contact the boy and ask him a few more questions about what is going on with him.
But for girlfriends who worry about gains and losses and are often emotional, this is amazing - at first, they will think that the boy may be busy, and he can act very naturally, and his emotions fluctuate. Not that big yet;
But after a while, there will be a voice in their hearts telling them: "You are not so busy that you can't even look at your mobile phone, right?" "After such a long time, It’s impossible for this person to not use a mobile phone, so why doesn’t he reply to messages?”
Finally, once this voice starts to appear, it will continue to get worse after a while:
“ Why am I too busy to contact you? To put it bluntly, I just don’t want to contact you.”
“I just don’t care. I’m actually trying to make excuses for you. There’s really something wrong with me.”
< p> ...When this boy replies to his girlfriend, she may just reply lightly: "Yeah."If you continue to ask, just wait for the greeting A stormy and strange mood:
"How dare I have an opinion? How can something happen to me? You are so busy, you are a busy person"
"Yes, it's me who is naive, it's me You are ignorant, how can I waste your time? You are so valuable."
... Did you find out? What really caused the change in the relationship between the two people and caused her inner anxiety was not necessarily what the boy did, but what the voice in her girlfriend's heart said to her.
2. What should I do if my girlfriend thinks I don’t love her and is worried about gains and losses?
1. Be wary of your girlfriend’s heart Catastrophizing Thoughts
You should always pay attention to whether your girlfriend has excessive catastrophizing thoughts about the other person’s behavior: For example, you may have just not responded to your girlfriend’s messages for a while, but she interpreted it as saying that the other person doesn’t care about this. Emotions; for example, you just pointed out some problems with your girlfriend, but she took it as a sign that you disliked her...
Basically all people who worry about gains and losses will be used to catastrophizing the other person's behavior. Interpret little things into particularly serious information, and then go throughreaction.
Therefore, if you want to change your girlfriend's mentality of worrying about gains and losses, you must be wary of this kind of thinking, communicate your original intentions with your girlfriend well, and don't let her over-interpret it.
2. Focus on results rather than feelings and experiences
The reason why boys compare with girls in a relationship Being calmer is essentially because boys tend to value results more than feelings and experiences.
Take the case we talked about at the beginning as an example:
For boys, the final result of this matter is "my partner responded to me". If they are not satisfied with this result, If you are satisfied, then you will directly make a new request for the result, "Can you check your phone for two or three hours in the future? Even if you are busy, please tell me."
But girls can’t. Their biggest feeling about this matter is “I feel you don’t love me.” They are not satisfied and then their request is “I feel that if you have me in your heart, You know how to do it without me telling you”...
In this case, you must communicate well with your girlfriend and understand that these are just her subjective thoughts and judgments, but She actually doesn't know what you really think at all. Sometimes conflicts arise between lovers, isn't it because everyone has different ideas?
